The Girls

I can't stop thinking about the girls. And how they're being lied to.

Despite it being a long long time ago now, I can remember all too clearly the horrors of puberty. There was first the discovery aged ten, that periods were a thing, swiftly followed by the realisation that this was something that was going to happen to me every month for EVER - a thought that filled me with fear and trepidation. Then, around the same age there were the whispers about the girl at school who actually wore a bra. Most of us were flat chested, and there she was, with proper boobs. It was simultaneously fascinating and horrifying. I longed to be like her so much - how grown up I'd be! - and yet the thought of wearing a bra seemed somewhat less than liberating. Nonetheless, despite the distinct non appearance of my own boobs I tried to wear one long before I was ready, and was much mocked for it, as I remember. When my boobs did grow, and I was wearing a bra for real, it all seemed uncomfortable and awkward, and I was self conscious in summer in a way I hadn't been before. I never wanted to be a boy (I had short hair and was often mistaken for one and I hated it), but oh! How I envied the freedom of my brothers, free to run and play unencumbered by such contstraints. A feeling that deepened when my periods finally arrived. On the one hand, I felt more adult, and yet, again I felt that sense of constraint that wasn't shared by my brothers. Especially on holiday when I'd sit miserably out of the water missing out on my favourite activity of swimming. And I remember the mortification when I first leaked at school. Despite going to an all girls' school it made me feel ashamed & embarrassed, as if there was something wrong with me. And that was in the days before social media. It must be so much worse for girls now.

I don't know a single woman who hasn't got similar stories to tell of puberty. Despite Eddie Izzard's preposterous ideas that somehow we were all revelling in our new found breasts at that age, the reality for nearly everyone I know (and having witnessed my daughters going through it more recently that hasn't changed), is that it is a time of great confusion, fear and misery, which is often accompanied by hatred of one's body. Is it any wonder then, in a world where kids are told they can be anything on a spectrum, that so many of them are choosing to opt out of this inconvenient and awkward female body? Particularly when they are being objectified at every turn. Another horror of that age, is the realisation that you have become subject to the male gaze - not something I understood then, though I felt its power. And again for modern girls, they have to deal not just with the lurking pervs on street corners as we did, but the endless hassle they get from their peers via social media. If I were a girl now, hating my body the way I did back then, I think I'd want to get rid of it too. Breast binding and sex hormones to arrest puberty would seem very appealing, and the thought that either might cause me problems in some indeterminate and unimaginable future would be the farthest thing from my mind. And nowadays, despite the scaremongering pronouncements of Mermaids et al it is horribly easy for girls to do exactly that.

The idea that the only way to deal with girls' body dysmorphia is by affirming their desire to change sex (if such a thing were actually possible, which it isn't), is quite an odd one, as well as being profoundly misogynistic. Girls are pretty much being told that their bodies are so vile, so disgusting the best thing to do is to change them. We all know teenagers are capable of making the most colossal errors of judgement because their brains are rewiring and not fully developed. We would not affirm them if they were self harming or anorexic (two behaviours that were previously normal in gender dysphoric girls) - why then do we affirm them in this? If we as parents let girls carry on cutting or allowed them to starve themselves, it would be called child abuse. Yet today, the parents of gender dysphoric girls are encouraged to allow their children to find their "authentic" selves (whatever that means), wherever it may lead them.

And where it leads them (unless they are able to pull themselves from the mire) is often to a place where they not only take drugs that can cause them long term damage, but worse than that in order to chase an impossible dream they could end up removing perfectly healthy parts of their anatomy. As if this is a normal response to an emotional state of mind caused by something that is natural. I am trying to think of any other instance where you might encourage someone - especially a young person - to have surgery to remove a perfectly healthy organ, and to be quite frank, I can't.

The more I think about this. The more it horrifies me.

I've had a hysterectomy. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. And although for me, by the time it happened, I wasn't sorry about it, I know women who have found the experience of losing their womb deeply traumatic. Equally I know women who have had to have masectomies because of cancer, and lost at least one friend to it. For all of them the loss of their breasts has been accompanied by mental and physical scars.The idea for me, of healthy young women opting to have "top" surgery is obscene. And shame on the people who encourage them.

Thanks to the bravery of Keira Bell and Sonia Appleby this issue is now firmly in the public domain. I am pleased this is the case, because it is time we stood up for all those girls who hate their bodies, and who left to their own devices,will grow up happy to be the women they should be, not the men they are told they can.

So I'm thinking about the girls. A lot. I hope they're ok